I’m grateful to be going through the Al Anon steps with a sponsor. I’ve gone to Al Anon on and off for a couple of years, and usually get something meaningful from the meetings. I’ve learned a lot from the wisdom of the group and from the Al Anon book, Courage to Change. But working with a sponsor is different. WOW. We are digging into truth that is brutal. We’re looking at my peace, or lack of it. Looking at my obsessive thinking, my selfishness, my fear, my desire to control.
I think everyone should go through a 12 step recovery program like Al Anon or Celebrate Recovery or Codependents Anonymous. We are all quite broken; but most of us are not awake enough to notice.
Reading this excerpt in Bancroft’s book, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, I just started crying. The first sentence touched me deeply. If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you unfortunately know what Bancroft is referring to. Words like “torn apart”, “your partners cruel side”, “nothing can ever put you back together again”, and “the pain will never go away” resonate, don’t they? I hope it’s reassuring, dear one, to know that someone can so accurately articulate the excruciating pain you feel. You are not alone.
Feeling Like You’ll Never Get Over This
“After enough times of being torn apart by your partner’s cruel side, you can come to feel like nothing could ever put you back together again, and like the pain will never go away.
But it will. You aren’t always going to feel this bad. Healing is a long process, especially when you’ve been harmed by someone you love. But the injured places do grow back together.
Sometimes this journey of separating or divorcing an abusive spouse feels overwhelming. It’s incredibly painful. At times, it’s hard to explain to those who haven’t been through it. But I believe there is so much to learn from it, and God can give us beauty from the ashes.
It’s when we are broken beyond what we can imagine that we turn to God, and God alone, and find His love. And a new heart, and a new way of living.
I liked this quote and wanted to share it as we journey down this path of restoration and healing together.
This is a great excerpt from John Eldridge’s book, Waking the Dead. He tells us that Jesus wants to heal our broken hearts. Really.
He asks what that statement evokes. For me, it evokes some unexpected emotions, like doubt and fear. After experiencing emotional abuse/verbal abuse, you tend not trust anyone. Not even your own instincts. You sure don’t want to trust the Creator of the Universe who could have rushed in to save the day and changed the ending of the story….
But the question also evokes hope.
Hope that He is faithful and true. Hope that He is good and sovereign and He loves me. I want to believe He will continue to heal my broken heart. And yours, too.
Will I ever feel better? Will I ever get through this? Will I ever be OK?
My friends would look at my ashen face and assure me that I would be OK, I would get to the other side, I was doing the right thing. They texted me scriptures assuring me of God’s love and protection. My dear friend, Kathy, so steadfast through these past two years as others grew weary and faded away, would PROMISE me that I would get through this as I sobbed on the phone to her. For the thousandth time.
I am healing. I am getting through this. I am laughing again. You will too, dear one. I’ve found a variety of healers on this journey from divorcing an emotionally abusive spouse (in my case, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)). Some of the things I’ve done are no-brainers, some are a little more wacky. But I lived in CA for a season, so hang in there. As some recovery programs say, “Take what works, leave the rest behind.” Continue reading →