I lunched today with a dear friend 5 years ahead of me in the post-divorce healing process. Over fabulous Tex-Mex, we shared both our food and our hearts. I shared that I had been afraid to tell my friends what was REALLY going on in our marriage and get help. Coupled with my shame was the knowledge and fear that the slighted provocation would make my husband all the angrier. There was a prescribed silence I was unwilling to break. So I carried on for years, pretending that life was fine, finding ways to cope, numbing my heart, and creating a false self.
So now, I stumble forward on this journey towards healing my heart and finding God. And not pretending anymore. I think this post by John Eldridge hits the mark:
click here for the full Ransomed Heart blog…..
There are seasons of life that are difficult. Seemingly unbearable. For most Christian women, divorce falls into that category. Divorce is something they cannot even imagine; something that likely goes against their church upbringing and evokes fear, despair, and shame.
Some Christian writers call these difficult seasons of life “the desert”, some “the wilderness”. No one wants to go there. Personally, I’d rather stay in a comfortable, happy place in life. Someplace like the Four Seasons Resort. I seem to spend a lot of time trying to make my life “work”, to make my life comfortable, to make my life the Four Seasons. But there are times when I cannot make life work. As hard as I try, as much as I anticipate and control, it’s just not working. Life is unmanageable. I’m a mess. And nothing I do seems to fix it.
I think these are the times in life that God allows us to hit rock bottom and turn our face to Him. We admit we can’t make our life work. We can’t control people, places or things. Our world seems to be crumbling around us. We are broken.
This is the wilderness.
A friend suggested that I find a spiritual “mantra” to start the day. Positive words to repeat to my brain every morning. Here is my chosen mantra, Psalm 143:8-10. I repeat it in my bed, from under the sheets, as I’m groggily waking up each morning.
For a period of time, as I wrestled with whether to stay in my destructive marriage or separate, I prayed this scripture and begged God to “show me the path I should take…” Friends kept telling me that God would make it perfectly clear. They encouraged me to stay on my knees and keep asking Him for wisdom and direction. He did make it clear. I pray He will for you, too.
Have a wonderful weekend, dear one!
Love and blessings,