Divorcing a narcissist is hard work. Many of the things they do are simply to punish you, without regard to the children’s well being. It doesn’t make sense to a mom; we cannot understand why they would keep the kids the entire month of July as their extended summer visitation. It’s not good for the kids to go that long without seeing either parent. But please know, if you don’t already, that a narcissist does many things simply to manipulate and punish.
So here it is, July 2, and my children have been gone from my home for less than 24 hours, and I acutely feel the pain. They will be gone for 33 days, except for the 1 weekend that the courts say that I can have them during this stretch. For a mom who birthed these children (natural childbirth at that), wiped their bottoms, nursed them WAAAAY too long, and made their organic babyhood before that was cool, I feel like something just got wrenched from my gut. And my heart. It makes you wonder if you’ve made the right decision to divorce.
One thing I’m finally learning in life and through my work in Al-Anon is acceptance. I cannot control this. It was his choice to pick a 30 day stretch. He could have broken it up into separate chunks of time, but he didn’t. I cannot get more time with my kids this month (without letting my to-be-ex totally manipulate me, which I’m learning not to give in to just to see my kids). I’m at rock bottom. End of my rope. Nothing I can do here. Broken. Then: Acceptance.