Difficult Days During Divorce

When going through a divorce with an abusive spouse, it is not a “collaborative” divorce. That is simply not possible. Everything is a battle. Everything. He will not be reasonable or fair. He will not care how you feel. He will have zero empathy for you and for the kids. He will use them as pawns to get what he wants. He will be vindictive and hurtful, and he’ll thrive on it.

Narcissists do not negotiate. They win.  

Sooooo…… there will be some days that are really tough. It’s hard to get through the day. It’s hard to put one foot in front of another. It’s overwhelming.

Those are the days when I ask Jesus to help my anxious heart breathe. I pray for God to scoop me off the floor and help me take one step at a time. I pull scripture out of my foggy, fearful brain:

Phillipians 4:6-7Proverbs 3:5-6

2 Timothy

Some days it helps to curl up and read scripture. Other days it helps to go to an Al Anon meeting. Sometimes I text friends: “Pray!”  Or I call a friend to talk and/or cry.  A friend who is vulnerable, caring and who ‘gets it’ when I say it’s a really hard day…..

You are not alone, dear one. It is tough. This is a difficult journey. Remember to pray and breathe.



2 thoughts on “Difficult Days During Divorce

  1. Thank You so much Melissa for your blogs and this website. I am in the middle of such an exhausting and frustration legal battle. There is no negotiating or reasoning with a narcissist although, the courts think otherwise. Letters being sent back and forth from my lawyer to his with no end in site. It seems like the never ending battle between the truth and “the made up what the narcissist believes is the truth”. The only thing I can do is pray and trust. I know that God is bigger than any legal system and I know in time everything will work our for good. It is the waiting period that is the hardest. During this time God is teaching me patience and perseverance. I have learned to be still in His presence and completely put my faith in Him. No matter what the outcome He is in control and walks with me every step of the way. I like this verse “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deut. 31:8

  2. Thank you Melissa, for that verse! I love it! I’m going to add it to my Scripture reference page.

    Yes, this is exhausting. It is my experience that the abuser or narcissist thrives on the conflict (They get their “narcissistic supply” like an addict gets a “hit”) while the other person is worn down. I wonder if “detaching with love” would help? And as I learned in Al-Anon, if you can’t detach with love, just detach!

    I’m so glad you are finding time to be still in His presence and put your faith in Him. That will renew your strength and peace. During this waiting period, perhaps also find time to do things that bring you joy…gardening, walking, dancing, being with friends, serving the homeless, etc.

    Remember that worrying about something in the future is only punishing yourself in the present.

    Blessings to you, dear one.

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